My Decision about Cheetah

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yintzy
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My Decision about Cheetah

Postby yintzy » Mon Jan 12, 2009 8:55 am

Mr. Y still thinks she's going to bounce back from this. It doesn't help that she's eating. Not much but she is and a couple of times she really ate normally. But when she's being social, she starts to purr and gets in that distressed point, but we don't let it get that far. I'm really sad and it's upsetting me. It's hard enough to let her go without him not wanting to let her go and thinking she'll improve.

So a friend of mine is a social worker and does have a certificate in pet loss and bereavement. I spoke to her today because I was so upset about how she's doing and I don't want her to suffer any more and she just stinks too. She thought that I should ask him to go to the vet with me and then the vet can give us an opinion and a prognosis. I asked him and he's 'sort of' on board. He still thinks that if we go to the vet something can help her bounce back. I'm looking more for support for her to make her comfortable since he's unwilling to support me.

Then, I looked at where her old vet practiced and they have support groups but of course they're on Thursday and I have to teach. But they do have a Hospice service - where they will care for a dying pet if you need to travel and do supportive home care to make a dying pet more comfortable. It's not ideal for me but at least it's something. I called the practice and told them what's going on. The vet won't be in until Thursday so she asked if it was an emergency. I didn't think so. She told me to email the vet (whom I know) and give her an outline as to what was going on. I told her honestly about the differing views about her care and I was willing to compromise if I could make her comfortable. But I want her to be honest. I'm also concerned that a vet visit would make her worse because of the distress especially since her breathing isn't great, when she gets excitable. Of course I was bawling on the phone to the receptionist.

I'm around this week and not doing much traveling to NJ for agility so I'd like to make some kind of decisions. I'd hate for her to have a horrible death and suffer for hours while I'm gone. I'd rather not have her suffer any more but I don't think we're going to agree on that.

Does this sound reasonable?

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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby SherriA » Mon Jan 12, 2009 9:08 am

Is sure sounds reasonable to me. You're doing everything possible to make the best decision for Cheetah, and hopefully this will help Mr. Y to see where you're coming from.

I really hope the vet can hep you make her more comfortable.

Good luck, Dawn.
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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby sammy » Mon Jan 12, 2009 9:25 am

I'm so sorry Dawn.:(
I hope the vet can help him to understand and come a decision that you both can be happy with.

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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby luvarescue » Mon Jan 12, 2009 9:37 am

I'm sorry you are going through this.

I know that Cheetah knows that you have her best interests at heart, whatever you do.

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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby MaisyPancakes » Mon Jan 12, 2009 9:56 am

Oh no. I'm so sorry, Dawn. I hope the vet and your friend can help become a good mediator between the ways you guys are coping. Hugs.

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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby connie » Mon Jan 12, 2009 12:27 pm

Yes, in fact it sounds like about the best arrangement that could be done, I think. I hope it lessens the stress on all of you, feline and humans alike.

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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby RobinS » Mon Jan 12, 2009 12:53 pm

I don't have any words Dawn, but I hope that you can come to a resolution that gives all of you peace.

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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby Bari » Mon Jan 12, 2009 5:35 pm

Dawn, I went through this with Harley. My DH made it very difficult for me. I think you should try to weigh her to verify she is eating enough to survive. That is what finally led me to let Harley go - she lost 3 pounds in a week. I'm so sorry.
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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby PaulaS » Tue Jan 13, 2009 7:09 am

It does sound reasonable. I'm so sorry for all of you. :(
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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby EllaBella » Tue Jan 13, 2009 7:33 am

I think that's a good arrangement. I really hope hubby will understand and be more reasonable, ASAP. Hopefully talking to the vet will help him realize he's basically being unreasonable, IMHO.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this, and I wish you and Cheetah the most peaceful time possible.

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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby Calypso » Tue Jan 13, 2009 7:56 am

I'm sorry that you have to go through this in such a tough way. It's never easy, but to not have the support of the one closet to you is especially tough. I hope everything works out in the least painless way for everyone. Talking to the vet is a very good idea.

yintzy
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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby yintzy » Tue Jan 13, 2009 1:01 pm

[quote=Bari] My DH made it very difficult for me. I think you should try to weigh her to verify she is eating enough to survive. That is what finally led me to let Harley go - she lost 3 pounds in a week. I'm so sorry. [/quote]

I didn't know that. Wow, sorry. A friend of mine just told me the same thing.

Weighing is a good idea but I think I'll need to weigh myself first. Not sure if I can do that for a few weeks though. Maybe I can put her in a laundry basket or something.

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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby PofiMia » Tue Jan 13, 2009 7:01 pm

My stomach is in knots for you as you face this (and Paige, too).

I know you and Mr. Y are really struggling with trying to find the "right" path for all of you. I've lost 3 pets as an adult (well more when you count the Bettas) and each was a completely different experience. I almost wrote a fairly frank account here of each - but it's painful to write and maybe not something everyone would want to read.

You all know about Iggy, though I never shared much about the euthanasia, which despite our intentions and the home setting and the compassion of my vets, was not what I would have wanted for him. And 7 years nearly to the day earlier, we came home to find our other grey cat, my sweet Frankie girl, had passed and there was great sorrow in finding her - where we found her, how we found her and imaginging what she might have gone through.

I honestly can't tell you which was worse. Each shredded me - I have relative ease with the 3rd experience. With each of the cats I second guess what I did, what I could have done better. Did I act too soon?

What I can tell you is you have to know this last, comparatively short period of time Cheetah has is not all there was - this discomfort or pain does not negate the comfort, happiness and security of her life with you. I had to realize that what happened with Frankie could have happened without my knowing it even if I'd only been in another room instead of coming back from my friend's wedding. That waiting another day for Iggy or deciding a few days earlier would not have really changed what a loved cat he was and how much contentment he had in his life. Would I be a bit less anguished if I could have been prescient enough to avoid the unpleasant aspects of each passing? Maybe, but I have to forgive myself and know I did my best. Not easy - not easy at all, but you need to do it to free your mind up and remember your cherished friend in a way that does justice to them.

yintzy
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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby yintzy » Thu Jan 22, 2009 10:53 am

I haven't been on the board much lately. I have been working a lot this week. I appreciate all of your good thoughts, shared experiences and empathy during this ordeal with Cheetah.

Mr. Y is finally ready to let her go. She really didn't eat much over the weekend - a few bites of chicken here and there but basically turned her nose at any food we tried to give her. Her appetite returned with a vengence this week but she's only able to eat a few bites. She's voracious when she eats. I'm sure she's starving. She doesn't look for food but we've been offering little bites throughout the day. Despite that, she really hasn't moved from her spot. First, she would either be under the futon, under the bed, in the bathroom, or on the crate cover she turned into a bed in the living room by the radiator. One by one, the spots have diminished and now she's only by the radiator. She got upset when I tried to give her some bedding. Her smell is on the crate cover and I think that's all she wants. I don't think she's drinking or going to the bathroom at all. I haven't seen her move in about 2 days but she will say hello if you go to her. She's more bright eyed than she's been. She's stopped purring. She tries but it doesn't come out and you can hear her lungs are labored. If she doesn't move she's okay and breathing fine. She stinks to high heaven. My house also smells like her. It's really sad but I'm better right now because I was so upset last week.

So he agrees we can say goodbye. We're waiting to see when we get a vet to make a house call. Hopefully we can get someone to come on Saturday or Sunday. If not, we have to wait until Tuesday when the other vets do the calls. Obviously if while we're waiting for the appointment, we have to make a decision, we'll take her to the vet but we'd rather her go at home. I think just going to the vet's office will probably kill her.

So that's the update. I'll keep you posted to the exact day.

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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby sammy » Thu Jan 22, 2009 11:10 am

I'm so sorry Dawn, though I'm glad Mr. Y has come around and that you can spare her a stressful trip to the vets. I hope you can get a housecall soon.

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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby yintzy » Thu Jan 22, 2009 11:12 am

OMG - I just went to go get the dogs a 'special treat' which I have high up on a shelf near the cookbooks and when I took the bag down a baggie fell - in it was some of Cheeath's fur. Ummm.... I didn't put it there. I guess he's taking it harder than he's letting on.

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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby SherriA » Thu Jan 22, 2009 11:22 am

I'm glad you were able to come to an agreement about letting Cheetah go. That has to be such a relief to you. Sounds like Mr. Y is very attached to her, just grieving her upcoming loss differently from you. I hope you can get an appointment this weekend so that she's able to avoid a trip to the vet and she can leave peacefully, in a place she's comfortable.

I'll be thinking about you and Cheetah.
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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby PaulaS » Thu Jan 22, 2009 11:40 am

I'm thinking about you and Mr. Y during this tough time. :( The fur in the baggie sounds like my hubby. It's not going to be easy, but I'm glad he realizes it's time.
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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby Sabine » Thu Jan 22, 2009 11:54 am

Aww Yintzy. :( *hugs*
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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby Colleen » Thu Jan 22, 2009 11:56 am

I'm so sorry :(

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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby Aubergine » Thu Jan 22, 2009 12:54 pm

I'm sorry, but I'm glad that you and your DH are on the same page now. This must be so tough.

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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby PofiMia » Thu Jan 22, 2009 2:10 pm

When we had our house call for Iggy, my DH ran over to where the vet tech put the fur she had shaved off his leg and put it on a shelf....I wouldn't have thought of it myself - funny my DH and yours both did.

Warm thoughts for Cheetah that her passing is gentle, both for her sake and your sakes as well.

She's seen your love and concern these past few weeks and knows you'd do anything for her - even when it hurts so much.

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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby RobinS » Thu Jan 22, 2009 3:41 pm

I am so sorry, what a crappy week you all are having.....I wish I knew something magical to say.....so sad.

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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby connie » Thu Jan 22, 2009 3:51 pm

[quote=PofiMia]When we had our house call for Iggy, my DH ran over to where the vet tech put the fur she had shaved off his leg and put it on a shelf....I wouldn't have thought of it myself - funny my DH and yours both did.

[/quote]

I did that with the hair that the vet shaved off Sander's leg. I don't know why. I still have it, in a little tin in my jewelry box.

Yintzy, maybe it would be good to discuss with your DH how you can memorialize Cheetah? Like, can you plant a shrub for her in the yard, or do you want to take her paw-print in plaster and keep it, or is there a really cool photo of her that you want to frame and hang ... it sounds like he is facing the fact that Cheetah herself won't be around, and that's one of the saddest aspects of the whole thing, of course. :(

I have pictures of Sander in just about every room, and a box on my coffee table holds his plaster paw-print, and his bandana, that no other dog can wear. (I'd have saved his collar, but Sander didn't wear a collar!) It really does help, to have those mementoes around me.

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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby PofiMia » Thu Jan 22, 2009 5:39 pm

My vets took a plaster paw print of Iggy when they took him to be cremated and when I picked up his ashes - which was tough enough - they brought them out and said there was a plaster paw imprint in the bag. I was puzzled and asked her to repeat and when she told me they had done it, I burst into tears as I said, "Thank you," and ran out.

I am SO grateful I have that.....I touch it nearly every night on my way to bed.

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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby connie » Thu Jan 22, 2009 5:48 pm

The vet tech who came with the vet on the house call for Sander's goodbye made the plaster paw print, and I didn't know about it until she gave it to me a few weeks later. I burst into tears, too, when I saw it. :bawl: It is a wonderful thing to have.

yintzy
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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby yintzy » Sat Jan 24, 2009 5:42 am

I just wanted to update you (you don't need to comment).

Cheetah is eating - a lot. I'm sure she's starving. Thus, she's a bit more active. So time is sort of relative. I can't do it this weekend. Not when she's like this. I'm sure things will be changing on a daily basis, so it's going to have to be a wait and see. Hopefully we can make it until next weekend. It's hard to say.

Oi, this cat so doesn't want to go. She's such a fighter - three years with this illness. It just makes it that much harder.

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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby PofiMia » Sat Jan 24, 2009 7:14 am

Cheetah is amazing - what spirit. I know it makes it confusing and hard, but after she is gone, it's one of the things you will remember her for.

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Re: My Decision about Cheetah

Postby sammy » Sat Jan 24, 2009 8:12 am

I hope you can both enjoy this time with her inspite of the stress ad the emotional rollercoaster.


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