See ya 'round, Fannie

[whiteboxerboy]

Sadness at my house.

Fannie finally came into season Thursday morning. Then all hell broke loose.

Thursday night around midnight Gringo wanted to go out, Fannie joined us.

They ran to back fence like they always do when going out at night. They either actually saw something or were barking at nothing. Fannie was getting really worked up. All of a sudden poor Gringo was screaming and crying b/c Fannie was trying to kill him. Of course she effing bit my forearm but i did finally break it up. Of course I didn't have a leash with me so I carried Fannie back to the house. Gringo was NOT getting my message to GET AWAY from us so I was totally scared she was going to wiggle away and get him again but she didn’t. Gringo had a couple of scratches, no big deal. He was pretty freaked out, obviously. I put Fannie directly in her crate and closed the door to their room. I was SO mad.

I kept her separated from the boys until sunday morning, although I did leave her crate in the dog room with the boy’s crates. During ‘rotate’ time they all approached each other’s crates and nobody had any bad responses, really nobody reacted at all, especially Fannie. She didn’t seem to care at all.

I tried to put them together again on sunday morning - huge mistake.
No serious injuries, thank doG but she did get Gringo close to his eye. she **really** wanted to hurt both of the boys that time. She was MUCH more serious & intense than Brinca ever was. Something shifted in her behavior. I don’t know what or why, obviously, but she definitely was not herself after the first fight and then was super weird after the second fight.

So, now I’m sitting here feeling like the worst person on the planet. I think Fannie has left our family for good. I dropped her off at the vet clinic for boarding this morning because I needed her out of the house for my boys and for me.
Now I can’t see bringing her back to live with us again, can’t see that I’d ever be able to trust her again. Poor Gringo, last night he slept **right** next to me all night long, kept trying to get closer and closer to me throughout the night. He rarely sleeps with me and definitely doesn’t want to be touching me for more than a few minutes, usually.

I feel freakin’ horrible, like I have dumped/abandoned/disappointed/given up on Fannie.
I literally almost threw up when I walked out of the vet clinic w/o her and it just keeps feeling worse as time goes by.

I haven’t talked to BoxerLand about my final decision yet but I will. I just couldn’t say it out loud today. L is making it all my fault and acting like i’m over-reacting. That’s fine, that’s her typical reaction to everything that happens that isn't in her best interest.
Too bad, not my problem. At least in BoxerLand she won’t be stuck in a crate all day every day. She’ll have plenty of time to hunt squirrels & bunnies and play outside. I figure 13 acres, a house, a kennel that is basically a house, just nobody actually lives in those rooms, and at least 4 adults in charge of 8 dogs has to be better than my little house, two dogs she apparently hates and being stuck in a crate majority of each day, no play mates when she is not in a crate...... BoxerLand will be better. I still feel terrible.

So, that’s all.

[Amanda]

I know how you feel. We have to rehome Zeke and it's killing me. I have been a walking zombie since I posted the ad to Facebook and started emailing rescues. I will tell you what I keep telling myself and what everyone else has said to me. It's not your fault. You did what you could and your home just isn't the right fit for Fannie. It works out this way sometimes and sometimes the kindest thing to do is let them go to live somewhere they are less stressed. I know it isn't easy and I am walking it out with you.

[SherriA]

Aw Lynn, I'm sorry. I don't know anything about intact females so I have no advice other than to trust your gut and don't Seco d guess yourself. Boxer land is pretty much paradise for dogs.

[whiteboxerboy]

Thanks, friends.

Amanda, I saw your post about Zeke, I'm so sorry. I'm sure it's devastating for you but you're doing the right thing. Hang in there, hope his new person/family is found soon.

[JudyL]

Lynn, I'm sorry things aren't working out with Fannie but don't beat yourself up over this decision. You're doing it because it is what's in the best interest for Fannie, for all of the dogs, and for you. It would be more unfair of you to keep her all the while knowing that it would be a life of being 100% managed and stressful for everyone. You are giving her a chance at a better life, it just won't be with you.

Amanda, same for you. I'm sorry Zeke isn't fitting in with your family.

Hang in there, both of you.

[MaisyPancakes]

Love you, Lynn. You're making the best out of a shit situation; you're doing good. xoxo

[whiteboxerboy]

Well, here is L's reply to my letting her know Fannie isn't coming back home with me.

IMG_6221.PNG (111.82 KiB) Viewed 3647 times

[JudyL]

So sorry, Lynn. As you said, this is L's typical response when things aren't to her liking, and she'll get over it. Just keep telling yourself that you are doing this because it's what's best for Fannie.

I also don't understand her reaction to the boarding situation unless she's just picking apart your words in her state of anger. People board dogs all the time for a variety of reasons, and the dog doesn't know any different so that shouldn't be an issue at all. Does she have a problem with boarding dogs when people go on vacation too?! Sheesh!

[UpwardDog]

Aw man, I'm so sorry, Lynn. Could there be something going on with her health? That seems like a huge, sudden change?

[whiteboxerboy]

thanks again, friends.

I keep going between feeing sort of ok with this to feeling terribly guilty & just horrible. i know it's best for everyone, just have to keep reminding myself i guess.

I think there *must* be something going on with her health, just seems too weird to me. I don't know though, maybe it's b/c of her coming into season/hormone rush? Also seems SO weird that she was still wanting to kill Gringo and went after Pi as well on sunday. we'll never know now, that's for sure.

Judy, i'm not sure why she's saying i 'just dropped her off' like that. We'd already decided I was going to drop her for boarding b/c I needed her out of the house not just for me but for everyone, her included. I know she got the short end of the stick but it's not like I shoved her out of my car while speeding down the highway, good grief. L boards dogs all the time when she needs to make room for visitors in between shows or whatever. not to mention she's the one who told me to put her in boarding for the entire time she's in season if I don't want her at the house.

[SherriA]

Just delete that text and erase it from your mind. People like that aren't entitled to real estate in your brain.

You are doing a super hard thing, and you're doing it because it's what's best for Fannie, not for any other reason. If L can't see that well that isn't on you.

[MaisyPancakes]

I agree about deleting the text, but maybe save some screen shots (looks like you have already), just in case. It seems prudent to keep documentation when dealing with crazy... So sorry she tried to make you feel worse, Lynn. xoxo

[Trademarkbark]

Wow, I'm so sorry. That text pissed me off and I'm not even involved!

There can be hormonal issues that cause that type of aggression, such as hypothyroidism (not uncommon in Boxers). But it could just be her "thing" and the hormones brought it to the forefront. They don''t call them "BITCHES" for nothing!

A little scenario to ease your mind. My Smidgen, the great and powerful. She was 45 lbs soaking wet and 22 inches tall. My mother's Douglas, 27 inches tall and 85 lbs, was the bane of her existence and she would go for his throat every time she saw him. He made an inappropriate advance to her when she was just under a year and she held that grudge for her full 9 years of life. She just didn't like male dogs. But fortunately my house was all girls, otherwise decisions would have had to be made.

Every dog has a unique personality and keeping a dog that doesn't fit out of guilt (pushed upon you more by L) will not be healthy for anyone. Why crate and rotate, and not have a full family unit when she can be rehomed to a place where she can be happy? Obviously, dumping a dog with no care of its final destination is horrible, but conscientious rehoming for the better life of everyone involved is a normal, intelligent, HEALTHY thing to do!! I think L is just putting the guilt trip on you because she sees a weakness and doesn't want to feel the guilt herself .... just my 2 cents.

Virtual hugs!

[UpwardDog]

"Every dog has a unique personality and keeping a dog that doesn't fit out of guilt (pushed upon you more by L) will not be healthy for anyone. Why crate and rotate, and not have a full family unit when she can be rehomed to a place where she can be happy? Obviously, dumping a dog with no care of its final destination is horrible, but conscientious rehoming for the better life of everyone involved is a normal, intelligent, HEALTHY thing to do!"

So well said, Katie.

I took some flack from a few people for rehoming Tricky because they felt she would never be as happy in a new home as she was in mine. Nonsense! How fun was it for her starting shit with Rosie regularly, fighting a dog more than twice her size and having me irked with her all the time? She's a dog who'd be happy to cuddle on a bed all day, but only if it's *her* choice. Crate and rotate sucked for all of us. Now she has her very own person, the most deluxe comfy chair to survey her little queendom, and she sleeps on her person's pillow. I simply could not give her that.

My hope is that Fanny will have a very happy life and that you'll get over the heart break of losing her. I know she was really special to you.

[connie]

I just saw this, I don't know how I missed it but I did.
Lynn, I am so sorry for the trauma that you AND your boys went through. If it makes any difference, I would have done and reacted exactly as you did. I once had a foster Shelties attack every one of my own Shelties and I boarded the dog at my vet while I sorted out what to do. You made the right moves. And the text from L, well, she was upset, but I would have liked her to respond in a more reasoned manner. Surely this is not the first episode of bitch aggression she's seen or been near. Nothing is improved by unloading on you.

Intact dogs can be problematic in groups where the other dogs are neutered. Breeders are generally unfazed by the management required, but for us pet owners, it is NOT second nature. I found this when Alex was intact in my group. I learned a lot from that.

I hope things have settled back in your household. Hugs to you all.