I know we've got several trainers as well as people who take a lot of obedience classes, so I'm looking for some pointers. What do you do when you have a client dog with an issue and the adults in the home do not agree on a) the actual problem b) the dog's role in the house and/or c) what are acceptable training techniques? It's happened to me a couple of times now and I feel like I'm walking a huge tight rope. It's hard to be completely honest because I have to be so diplomatic to prevent the "See honey?! I told you so!" which completely turns off the other person.

Oy. I just placed a dog and ran into this. I adopted the dog to HIM but it turned out SHE was the primary caregiver. He lied to me and she let him do it with all of us sitting there - I don't know why.

Thankfully, I realized the question after the first frustrated phone call from her. After some back-and-forth (and some compromise on my part on what I normally would suggest, ie, I recommended a pinch collar for her to use on walks), we settled into a routine where I was training her and she was starting to overcome the learning curve.

After five weeks she's now far more in love with the dog than, I think, her husband. Or rather she's more vocal about it. The dog turns out to be a perfect match for HER and I also suggested they get another dog for HIM, and what kind of dog they needed to look for (disguising my counseling under "what would match up well with the dog they have now").

The "See honey" stuff really is destructive. I did feel they were in some way using the dog in some kind of subtle power struggle. All I could do was try to make sure both of them were equipped to handle the dog - my responsibility and power to influence the situation ended there. It is important that they both be on board with what you are doing, though. I'd be tempted to sit down and lay it on the line - "We really can't work together until we're all on th same page. Otherwise you are wasting your money and causing pain/stress to the dog as well as yourselves."

Whew, good luck with that.

I ran into that once with a friend of my mom's. They had an overzealous lab puppy that was being babied by her and spoiled by him. When I told her that the dog needed to stop climbing on her lap and jumping up on people, she took the advice willingly. But her hubby didn't want to stop the dog from jumping. He liked it since he was slightly disabled and can't bend down well enough to pet her. They started to argue with each other right in front of me. (The big problem with all of this was that the dog was biting when she didn't get her way so we needed to nip it before she was big enough to really do damage.) My solution was to tell the husband that the dog could jump, if she responded to a "sit" command first and he invited her up. That way she was saying please and being polite. He thought that was acceptable and his wife just gushed to me later about how thankful she was that I came up with that because they had been fighting so much over the dog jumping up.

Each situation is going to be different, but the best thing I can say is depending on the behavior in question they have to either be willing to compromise or you have to find a solution that appeases both people. It's really difficult. It's hard enough to get someone to do a training program all the way even when they agree with you! If the situation were really sticky, I may lay it out there and just say "Hey, obviously this is a point of disagreement for the two of you. Until you can at least agree on what parts of Fido's behavior are acceptable or unacceptable I can't help you." Good luck.

Oh lord I can't even tell you how many really awkward privates I have sat through where the least of the families problems were the dog. Yikes!
You really do need to put your marriage counselor hat on. I try to make sure everyone feels like they are being heard all the while endeavoring to keep the focus on the dog and why I am there. Validation is huge here. If the person feels like I really heard their complaints and gave their responses serious consideration then they are much more likely to heed my advice. I do a lot of nodding my head and saying that's one option. Also being very diplomatic, finding something they are doing right and build on that. Also tactfully reminding them that working together will get much better results from their dog.

I have no advice but enormous boat loads of sympathy. I'd be a dog trainer for sure if I could only deal with the dogs and not the people or only deal with people who have a clue.